Simply Soda
Simply Delicious!
Welcome to the Simply Soda Homepage!
Simply Soda Beverage Company's corporate mission is to provide you with the best soda at absolutely rock bottom prices. We had doubts about our first product, Simply Soda Cola, but after the lawsuits were settled we realized we had a stronger product than we thought.
Attempting to stay on the cutting edge of beverage service evolution, we then brought out Diet Simply Soda Cola, with all that great taste and only 98% of the calories.
We are now, thanks to a lucrative contract with the Shad Valley Program, poised to corner the discount beverage market with a complete line of new flavours:
- Vinegar-Coconut...Vinegar isn't just for chips anymore! We were intent on marketing yet another ho-hum kind-of-like Pina Colada flavour when a small accident at a company party led us to discover this incredible flavour matchup! Watch for it in August!
- Diet Cheesy Caramel...Another great matchup with the old-fashioned taste of cheddar cheese and something almost like (but not close enough to be legally infringing) Kraft Caramels. Yum, Yum Gimme Some! And with only 450 calories per serving (2 servings per can), this one will quench your thirst without stretching your spandex!
- Beef...Yes, Beef! The world's first imitation-meat-based beverage! Now you don't have to crack a fake coke to go with that barbecued hamburger (or chicken-lip based patty product) - The Soda can be the barbecue! And at only $0.28 a can, this will be one thrifty cookout! Beef soda will be sashaying into those Costco aisles next summer!
Thanks for the Visit!
Thanks for the visit. We at simply soda want you to know that the customer is foremost in our minds, right after our own bottom line. We are always open to suggestions for ways to make our products even more inexpensive, and more importantly, more widely-marketed flavours we can "borrow". If you have comments or suggestions for new flavours, please send them to fakecoke@simply.com. If you wish to sue us for infringement on your product, please add your name to the list by sending mail to sue@simply.com.
Until we meet again, on the Net or in court, keep buying and enjoying our products, knowing that when you drink simply soda, you're getting the cheapest imitations money can buy.